Sunday, October 05, 2014

The Fall

I fell into you

metaphorically speaking.

I fell into you in the way you fall into a deep dark well.

It was a most terrifying fall;
a seemingly endless, breathless struggle to make it stop
my hands scrabbling at the slippery, moss covered walls
as I slid, slid, slid down

fear high in my gorge

choking me as I tried to slow my descent
expecting a brutal impact
to hurt me at the bottom

and then
fighting against you for the longest time
before I realized
had in fact
caught me

were holding me safe

I had not hit

I was not hurt

you had not let me
had always been there
safe at the bottom of that deep, long well

so I curled into your arms
and you held me close
as I cried away the fear of that fall

To Transcend means "to rise above or go beyond the limits of"
according to the ones who know

and with you
I found transcendence.

So many limits
so many fears have you over me feel you
smothering me let you
push me there
and again
and again
when I didn't believe I could
but trusted
that you would catch me
if I couldn't

I am more now
than I was when you first walked into my world

and when I look back up
to see who pushed me down this well?
who forced me to fall fall fall all the way down into fear?
I see there's no one there but an echo of me

the me who knew better
who wanted more
who wanted transcendence.

Which means I pushed myself

I jumped
and trusted
that you
wouldn't let me break.

With you I have risen above the limits of myself
I have gone beyond the limits of my fear

my fall into you lifted me higher
than I ever thought I could go
made me
transcendentally stronger
than any other love
has ever done

The Sir in you
the Top
the Dom
the Daddy and the Safe Bringer of Pain
has made me more more more
than I knew I could be

So when I say "I fell in love with Him"
It's the best damn fall
I've ever taken

and while I wonder still
at times
what it is in you
I saw
and trusted enough
to fall for
I’m incredibly grateful
for whatever it is my higher self did see
and loved
(and winked at, I believe)
as she pushed me
lovingly, and gently,
but firmly and with determination
towards the fall that would lead me to your safe, strong arms and heart
and my own

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