There's a you that emerges
when vodka loosens your edges
a you you say you don't always understand
but who speaks certain truths
that are yours
but
less gently
more directly
spoken.
When I ask
what you were thinking
you respond with feigned confusion
not knowing
the intention
that's clear to me.
You see
loose lips sink ships
and my ship is sunk
I'll take that blame on myself
because
I let you
and I became you
I ached for the lack of love
and the reminder
of how it used to be
(and
still is.)
I have chased after too much
pushing myself into a mould I thought would be liked.
I have begged to be loved
in words and actions
by those who can't
and won't
or do
but muted and dampened.
You see, I love you the way mountains push against the sky
slow
steady
immovable
and large
and you
love yourself
the same.
But there's a you that emerges
when vodka loosens your edges
and often
I'm the only one who remembers
the things that part of you said
because the damage taken,
and the ship sunk
is mine
and mine alone.
