Sunday, November 30, 2014

Fucking Freezing

It was cold in the tent that night
so cold we could see our breath

we'd brought the water in
in hopes of keeping it from freezing
so we wouldn't have to start a fire
to melt the water
before using it for washing
morning things

We hadn't brought enough blankets
a sleeping bag under and over
but open
so the cold seeped in
and we were naked
as always
and huddled close
as if our bodies
would somehow find warmth in each other 

you complained that my feet were blocks of ice
and I reminded you that this camping trip was your idea
middle of Winter
campground closed
fucking freezing
I can see my breath you dork

and I don't remember how it started
because we always had sex in bed at night
so I don't remember how you started to touch me
or how I started to touch you
perhaps there was the old gem of “you know how I could warm my hands?”
I remember you slid into me
and the blankets fell off
and we laughed and pulled them back on because it was that cold

and when you finished
and collapsed on top of me I begged you to get off
"Too hot!  Too hot!" 
and the blankets were miles away
other side of the tent because we'd made our own heat
of bodies
and sex
we lay there 
steam rising off of us
pulling blankets and covers back on top of us before the cold could find us again
and I lay next to you, arm over you
against you

it was the best sleep I've ever had

freezing fucking's so damn sweet

Friday, November 21, 2014

A Beautiful Disaster

are a beautiful disaster
beautiful disaster
I watch you through the window as you lift your cigarette to your mouth
something poetic 
in the way your broken fingers hold the cigarette
and it takes me a minute to realize
you're not talking to yourself
you're having a conversation with the spider who lives on your porch
the same way I talk to the spiders in my apartment
as I'm trying to escort them out the door

you don't see you're the only one who sees the caved in cheekbone where one fist too many made impact
because I only see the tired in your eyes as you take the last drag, stretch it out into two inhalations
before you come back inside
close the door
tilt your head to the side like an inquisitive puppy
your sad eyes echoing your voice as you ask me what it is I'm looking at

you are a beautiful disaster
and it breaks my heart
to watch you as your broken fingers
lift another cigarette 
ten minutes later
to the mouth I used to want on me

those broken fingers have held my own fingers between them

stroked smooth along my back

rubbed deep into my neck and shoulders as I tried to keep the whimpers muffled by the pillow

have pushed my hair behind my ear 

your beauty is your scars
and how you don't let them wear you

and I'm watching the end of something out that window
because disasters pass
and beauty
lasts eternal

so join me here
and we'll look back
at broken fingers
caved in cheekbones
and see nothing
but the strength
lion pride
that came out of it

Sunday, November 09, 2014


you know that feeling when the entire room seems to collapse around you and it's just the two of you there even though you can hear the mingled voices of the other guests
and there's this electricity you feel
and it hovers between the two of you
making heat where you're not touching
and breathing is harder
the air somehow becoming thinner, rarefied
and those breaths come quicker
you need that oxygen to keep you from the buzzing in your ears
and even through your clothes
you can feel the heat of him
and you are burning up
just right there
right there where you haven't touched yet
until you both notice everyone else has left
made their excuses
perhaps hurried on by the way the room is sucked dry of breathable air
made somehow uncomfortable by what isn't going on
because nothing is going on
you two haven't touched all night
have just been
sitting there
next to each other
nothing but
pheromones and electric magnetic wanting
and then the door closes and it's just the two of you in the room
the small
dorm room
and you've never liked each other
but you slam against each other so hard and fast your teeth hit 
and then breathing's just a means to an end because you have to feel what he feels like
hard flesh against the fly of his jeans
your breast
pressed into the grip of his fist
his other hand
pulling your hair back and away as he holds you
and your breath
against the stubble of his beard
I need you
never said out loud
just through touch
only touch
fingers sliding