Saturday, October 25, 2014

An Oasis (Edges)

I am hovering at my own edge
pulled back by the day to day
pulled forward as the moments give time 
but the space is vibrant
and I want to be on the other side of this
to throw myself off the edge and have it over with 
for the shattering to have occurred 
the tears
drop after drop after drop
a torrent no longer held back by what if
dam broken
painhurtsadnessangerloss flooding me empty

Which makes me ask 
am I holding myself at this edge
knowing I have to be in check
have to function
Monday to Friday
Nine to Five
Hello, How Are You, Thank You, Yes, Please Do
This concern that I can't be at the bottom of the fall and be normal
so I don't let myself go?
Or is this yet another excuse?
Am I... somehow attempting to climb down rather than being pushed by life
and am I just as scared as I've ever been?

Let's run away together, you and I
metaphorically speaking
let's run away together into our own bubble
our own together
our own time where we're all there is
a happy little duo
just for a moment 
that there's nothing that matters but us
our breath
our light
our love laughter spirit souls energy time skin touch joy
and we shall play
and be
and forget about edges and shatterings and the broken bits that are too sharp to walk on I will be there for you
egde or not
I would pull you out of it if you wouldn't just slide back into it but I will be there
I am already there
I found my way out years ago
and now I'm on an edge
you've been there too, this edge
our stories just ran opposite
and in passing, you low, I high, we met it seems 
we can run away together
right before I jump
and you
start to climb
the slippery walls
back out

we'll meet back on solid ground
my bottom
your top
both of us better
more solid
and found

then hand in hand
new adventures
and edges
always edges
be there to catch
just in case it's too far

you're the one who told me be in the moment
you're the one who showed me the moment physically
when you focussed me on nothing but the task
nothing but the sensation
nothing but the searing and the good and the difficult
and the you can do this
did you forget?
were you not there in those moments with me?
did you not lose yourself for hours in the sensation yourself
the physical
the reality of
my lips
your skin
do you remember now?

I know the way up from where you are
you know it's ok to free fall from this edge
we need each other
I know I'm ok without you
I know you think you're ok without me
but I'm better
with you
and I think you're better with me

we're decades apart
in the same spots reversed
and my journey
is far more enjoyable than yours
but no less frightening
no less intimidating
and no less hard work
it's just different
and I hope you see how I'm meant to make you better
because right now you're fly against the window stuck
and I'm right here
next to the open door                                                                                                               

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