Wednesday, September 17, 2014


Do you ever have those dreams where your teeth fall out?  And you just stand there, catching them in the palm of your hand as they fall and crumble, cascading out of what should have been your very solid gums?  In this dream you’re helpless.  All you do is watch the teeth collect in your hand and it's the most disturbing feeling; that you're decaying…and there’s nothing to be done because it’s happening, no matter your panic or desire to make it stop.

My entire self is falling apart right now.  I'm standing here watching parts of me crumble and fall to the ground and I'm bewildered as to what I should do.  

I keep picking the pieces back up off the ground to try to stick them back on only to have them crumble off again or sometimes even while still under my fingers and I keep looking up to see who'll help me but everyone's just walking on by because they can't see this happening.  No one’s noticing.  From the outside, I look just fine.

No one can see me crumbling apart and I am panicking because if it all falls away it might mean there's nothing left of me.  

Now, it might, alternately, mean the revealing of my Golden Buddha, (the covering having been chipped away enough to start to crumble) but either way it's unnerving.  I’m losing pieces of myself and as they slough off the process speeds up.  My eyes are getting whiter, my breathing is becoming more shallow; I am not handling this well. 

I’m in a ball right now, trying to use the pressure of what’s left of me to keep the remaining pieces on but they’re turning to dust and

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to get to the other side of this or even what other side there might be.  Or not.  This might be it somehow.

The End of Something.

I'm falling apart.  Crumbling.  I’m trying to hold it all together but it's quicksand beneath my fingers and I don't know what to do.


And I don't know what to do.

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