Saturday, July 19, 2014

Through Love Filled Eyes

I am so
so
talented
at ripping people apart

Send me an image of almost any woman?
And I can tell you what's wrong with her shape
figure
skin
weight
hair
look
anything.

I'll find a flaw

and it sucks

It sucks
and it hurts
and it also means I do it to myself
constantly

Walk past a reflective surface and I am
so
so amazingly good
at ripping myself apart

Take a photograph of me?
Make the
image permanent?
And it just gives me more time to pick and pick and pick myself apart.

Christy Turlington...
she's one of the few women I can think of
that I've never found flaw with
never found her anything but gorgeous
beautiful
stunningly perfect

I could probably name some others
masters of the screen
of print
with whom I have never been able to pick
pick
pick

Ms Hepburn escapes my dark and nasty findings
Grace Kelly too
I'm sure I could find some others
who are
not
what
I
am

who are
perfect
and
gorgeous
and
have no
flaws

unlike
me

So where does this lead me?
This
horror I have
deep inside my head

because it's not my soul
not my heart
I can look at my best friend
see her un-beautiful skin
and face
and looks
and see the most stunningly gorgeous person in the world
who fills my heart with such joy
I must needs explode with it

it's my head
that sees the flaws
in the rest of us

sees the photo and either says she's better than I am
or here's what's wrong
with her
anyway

I do not like this part of me
and am unsure how
best
to change it

I want to look at me
and see
Audrey Hepburn
Grace Kelly
Christy Turlington
best friend
perfection

And I want to look at all of us
and see
beauty
and grace
and sexiness

and I want to want
all of you

I want to see the
un-flaws
the
perfect we all have
in spades

I want to look at a photo
of almost any woman
and just
see
what is
not what I see
as wrong
or
ugly
or big
or bumpy
or
lumpy
or odd

Maybe where I start
is finding the best
in each woman

and
letting myself
see the perfect
in them
and me

see the
sexy
in me
what I have
who I am

no more picking
no more ripping
let that go
let it go
let it go

see my flaws
and
fat
and
weird bits
and imperfections
and see
what those who love me
must see

the way I see my best friend

let me stare at myself
until I see me
the way I
see her

through love-filled-eyes.

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