An Oasis (Edges)

I am hovering at my own edge

pulled back by the day to day

pulled forward as the moments give time 

but the space is vibrant

and I want to be on the other side of this

to throw myself off the edge and have it over with 

done

for the shattering to have occurred 

the tears

emptied

drop after drop after drop

a torrent no longer held back by what if

dam broken

painhurtsadnessangerloss flooding me empty

Which makes me ask 

am I holding myself at this edge

knowing I have to be in check

have to function

Monday to Friday

Nine to Five

Hello, How Are You, Thank You, Yes, Please Do

This concern that I can't be at the bottom of the fall and be normal

so I don't let myself go?

Or is this yet another excuse?

Am I... somehow attempting to climb down rather than being pushed by life

and am I just as scared as I've ever been?

Let's run away together, you and I

metaphorically speaking

let's run away together into our own bubble

our own together

our own time where we're all there is

a happy little duo

pretending 

just for a moment 

that there's nothing that matters but us

our breath

our light

our love laughter spirit souls energy time skin touch joy

and we shall play

and be

and forget about edges and shatterings and the broken bits that are too sharp to walk on I will be there for you

egde or not

I would pull you out of it if you wouldn't just slide back into it but I will be there

I am already there

I found my way out years ago

and now I'm on an edge

you've been there too, this edge

our stories just ran opposite

and in passing, you low, I high, we met it seems 

so

we can run away together

right before I jump

and you

start to climb

the slippery walls

back out

we'll meet back on solid ground

my bottom

your top

both of us better

more solid

and found

then hand in hand

new adventures

and edges

always edges

and

be there to catch

just in case it's too far

you're the one who told me be in the moment

you're the one who showed me the moment physically

when you focussed me on nothing but the task

nothing but the sensation

nothing but the searing and the good and the difficult

and the you can do this

did you forget?

were you not there in those moments with me?

did you not lose yourself for hours in the sensation yourself

the physical

the reality of

my lips

your skin

do you remember now?

I know the way up from where you are

you know it's ok to free fall from this edge

we need each other

I know I'm ok without you

I know you think you're ok without me

but I'm better

with you

and I think you're better with me

we're decades apart

in the same spots reversed

and my journey

is far more enjoyable than yours

but no less frightening

no less intimidating

and no less hard work

it's just different

and I hope you see how I'm meant to make you better

because right now you're fly against the window stuck

and I'm right here

next to the open door