The Big Pink Blanket

I love you so much for bringing me the big pink blanket the other night.
I needed it
I wanted warmth
Was doing my best
on my own
(which was not as well as I could have been)
You asked
I said no
You asked if I was sure
I said no
You got it for me
It helped me warm up
Which you knew I needed
even if I
wasn't totally sure
or was too stuck in my head
to ask your roommate
It's these little
tiny
moments
where you do something that may seem insignificant
to you
but means
so much
to me

because in it I feel your promise to take care of me
come true

and that builds my trust in you
and shows me that you will take care of me

and sometimes
how you take care of me will be better than how I am taking care of myself

I'm learning this:
when you reach out to help me
it's safe. You make me better.

but

sometimes I need to reach out and ask you for help
and I’m still only hoping that
you'll come through

because right now, when I reach out to ask you to help me?
it's not always safe
you often don’t

maybe I just need to ask louder
sometimes

or maybe you need to hear me
and know that if I'm asking
it's taken a lot for me to get to that point
and I mean it

Like the other month, when I asked you to bring me a bucket
It was almost as hard to ask you to help as it was to know I was going to throw up in front of you.

So thank you for bringing me
the giant pink blanket
last Saturday night

It meant
so much more to me
than you just bringing me a blanket

It meant you saw me
you noticed
you knew
you asked
you cared
you stepped outside of yourself
to notice me
and you
helped me
physically
feel better

which helps me feel better
emotionally

I'm trusting you more