Doors

It's a hallway of mirrors in a nighttime of truth

and you walk forward

laughing faces echoing 

confusing your peripheral 

and there's a door

hand on the knob

turn and push 

while a multitude of reflected doors swing wide

one and the same

tick tick tick tick tick it's endless 

do you see the hinges? these mirrors trick

but you still walked forward

you still made your way here and foot shuffled through

through the door

one and the same

you walked through and now it's dark

it's dark and the light of the mirrored spaces made you blind

and your eyes need to adjust

need to adjust to the dark

the dark that isn't dark

it’s just not what you're used to

the mirrored hallway

being brighter than comfortable

always fear

watch the movies

own reflection's all that's left

go back if you want

you know what's there

empty empty

safe 

uncomfortable

take another step forward

close the door behind you

let your eyes adjust

when you take away the reflection

when you take away the glare of what was

the darkness equalizes

you'll see

you'll see

and where are you now?

that's the scary part, eh?

doorway 

room

doorway 

hall

doorway 

what

who

where

when

why

yes

space

not isolation

all internal

external

as real as you want it to be 

some days mirrored hallways

some days desert carnies

where's the peace in there? 

made 

created 

already all ready?

you have you

feel it

know it

you have you

you got here 

baby steps 

but you did that

no one else 

you

there's no back

no hallway left

just this

this now

be free

Un-Met

please touch my soul
please
please fill this longing I have for love and connection and
yes
damn good orgasms
because they're all tied together for me you see
and I want to feel a soul touching mine
as a body
touches mine
I want to ride waves of otherworldly truths
and feel safe in a love that doesn't need to be tied to small words
little days

I want expansiveness
and our own world
energies fuelling and complimenting and bursting forth
to be seen
and to give more love outwards
a calm knowing
no need to prove anything to anyone
just being
always touching
a hand
an arm
a leg against a leg
all of it sexual
and sensual
but there is more to this than just sex
because places can be more than just places
and sometimes two people are more together than their separate selves would be
and I want to connect that way
and for it all to be one and the same

so if for a time
an hour
a day
a week
if for that time
we could be more than just what is?
that
my love
could fill a lifetime
with memories and remembrances and connection

I know there's something more out there
I've touched it
had glimpses,
tastes
and maybe you
and maybe us
can be that
will be that
because wouldn't that be lovely?
wouldn't that be wonderful?
to sit
and feel
and know
and connect
for real
for real
for real?

I want to know
what you feel like
to touch
and be with
not just in person
but in that space beyond
when bodies make energy
that electrifies
and melts
and creates
and expands
so touch me
touch me and we will discover and see
and we will play
and love
and fuck
and glow
and we will sit
wrapped together
more than we came in with

We Choose This Cave

You know we're real, right?

Behind these photos and these words and posts and quips

we're real

real people

who feel 

and laugh

and see things and endure pain and yes

if you prick us

we will bleed

red blooded we exist

in a reality that is separate

from that which we see here

which is separate again

from that which we who listen know to be true

it's a woven truth

tapestries formed 

silkscreens made

the colours bleed

form a storyline unintentionally real

all shadows

consciousness and virtual

I can see you here

and know you not

sometimes more real

than face to face

desert dry

dusty couches

there is an energy to cerebral connection

tap tap tapping away at a keyboard

and sometimes

when I know it's honest and given

it transfers 

a tingling line of energy from screen

to mind

and soul

and sometimes

I find soul friends as they write their words

through windows yet unguarded

it's been years now

decades

of sitting exposed

hidden 

yet wide open for consumption

to a chosen few

we're real, you know

we've been told "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"

but that's who I'm looking for

that's who's fascinating

I see through it all

I see through your smoke and mirrors

because your words tell me things

see?

we're real behind our words

our virtual actions

we are both separate from

and emerging through our conversations in this medium

and these are my words

there are many like them

but these words are mine

I hide

yes 

in a way that leaves me far too real

for there is no hidden me

my words expose me

and your words

when you let them

show me

you

so speak on

be real

I see you

or I will

with time

because I know you're real

behind this dot matrix two toned screen of collective smokescreens

Plato ain't got nothing on us

Untitled

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

when you stab something repeatedly

you don't get to look surprised when it bleeds 

you don't get to tell it to stop bleeding

you don't get to be offended

when it suggests you might be part of the problem

you don't get to be hurt when it walks away

dripping blood, tasting bile

you won't believe you did it

you can't see you poison stab devour crush

and only see what you want to see

I know the pain's too much

truth hurts reality bites I know

so the gift I give you?

the mercy I show?

the softness you may never know I coated you with?  

I will see this truth and know it

and I will keep it from you

I will keep from you

the pain you served me

the blood you drew

because bless the grandmothers

and the grandmothers' grandmothers

and the steel core, fire hardened, of the men and women who bear my blood

because I am strong enough to take the truth and let it go

without needing you to taste it see it feel it 

choke on it

know it

that

I will give you

higher power

merciful woman

clemency

strength

but no more stabbing

no more no more no more

I see your weapon

hidden in the giving hand

no more defensive blocking

slice me not

step away

step back

out of reach

my blood stays in me now

stop

Last Week Was A Rough Week

I really want you
really
and I could say that it's not you I want
I can try to tell myself
(and you) 
that it's just a craving
just a want
and that you're merely a convenient recipient of that want
but
there's something about you
(even if it is just timing)
(which I don't think it is)
(entirely)
there's still something about you

that mental hook went in
you flipped some switch 

right or wrong

and even though I don't know how to get us naked together
can't seem to break through that mental wall
of nerves
and the newness of you
I want to

I crave it in the strangest way

my heart feels nothing
my head is wary
but the rest of me?
the core of me?
the deep down and dirty makes me feel so good part of me?
yeah

it wants
you
bad

Excuses

I made excuses from the very beginning

sometimes for me

but always for you

always

because I saw what you could be

what it could be

what we could be

together

saw that you just needed uplifted

that you just needed help

that you just needed me

and what I could offer

and more

to take you back to what was there

what should be there

all things being equal and fair

I made excuses

and waited for the better

that I don’t want to admit is never coming

that I am the only one wanting

that I am the only one hoping for

In my selfish selflessness I wanted you to be

for me

and you

the great I saw

the great you have

buried

ignored

fought against

for more time than I can imagine

pointing fingers ever outwards them them them

and even now

you point at me

it’s my fault

sometimes something so broken can never be fixed

not my words

everyone else sees that

I don’t

I don’t

and you’re determined to prove me wrong

I thought you were something more

and I’m right

but you’ll prove me wrong

because then you’ll be right

and I’ll know better

and carry that wound

your sorrow will travel with me

and that’s on you

for staying stuck

for not leaping when I said I’d catch you

I don’t even know if you’ll see

someday

what might have been

your loss

your loss

your loss

so sad

Flower

I opened to you

like a flower to the sun

drawn to your heat

after the cold dark of the night

I opened to you

by instinct

need

and programming

Universal language

open

to

sun

I awakened

followed you as you crossed the sky

til night

then I closed up again

a bow of patience as the dusk settled in

and I wait

breathing calm

for your sun

to shine

again