Signing A Death Warrant

You can't actually sign them
til the thing/
person/
relationship
is dead
but you can write them up
before the death -
during the slow,
painful,
life altering
decline

Four years
four years of knowing
four years of lies
four years of absolute bullshit
disguised as earnestness
when needed
when deemed necessary
when pushed to an edge

four years of this
a life shoved into a box
a champion betrayed
for a love
never to be understood
always to be pain filled
two children
so enraptured in their fairy tale
they ignore the carnage
their story leaves behind

Is this the point where I say the loss of you
has been overshadowed by the loss of myself
as I tried to keep you alive and well?
Is this the point
where I say the loss of what never was
splits evenly
between your deceit
and my hopefulness
and belief in what you're not
anymore
and likely never were?